Failing

My 10 year class reunion is quickly approaching and so it made me want to reminisce. I pulled out my old letter jacket as well as all of my graduation gowns. If you were to look at all of these things it looks like I have accomplished a lot and it would appear that I was good at everything I did. I excelled in band, did pretty well in academics (graduated with honors), and I knew how to work hard. College wasn't quite so easy but I still earned my accounting degree from the best accounting school in the state. I then went on and earned my Masters degree where I didn't make straight A's but I did finish with above a 3.5 GPA all while working a full-time job. It would appear that I am a smart person. I used to think that too until I started trying to pass the exams to become a CPA. I have never failed at anything in my life. So whenever I keep getting these failing scores it makes me feel completely and totally stupid. I'm not very good at feeling that way. I have been on this journey for almost 2 years now and still have not passed a single section. I came within 5 points of passing one but that doesn't count. I just wonder if I am cut out to be a CPA or if I should just give up. I've never given up on anything...ever. I just wish I had a crystal ball so I could look into the future to see how long it takes (if ever) for me to pass this stupid exam.

Who would have thought?

A couple of weeks ago I posted a picture on facebook that simply said "If I died tomorrow what is one thing that you would always remember about me?"

I was overwhelmed with the few comments that people left. I didn't care that a ton of people didn't comment on it. The few that did left some very heartfelt responses and a couple of them just made me laugh (which a person could always use no matter what). One in particular caught me off guard. A girl, who is a friend of my sister's, left  a comment on how driven I am and how she looks up to me for that.

I've never thought of myself as driven. I just saw myself doing the things that I needed to do to provide me and my future family with the life that I thought we would deserve. Now, looking back, I guess I kind of am. I strove to do my best in school, even before I graduated high school.
I worked to do my best when it came to music too. College, well I'm not really proud of how I did in college. With that being said I should be damn proud because not too many people can work full-time and go to school full-time and not make it out a little battered and scarred. Then, I went on to get my masters while working my first "grown-up" job after college. Yet again, here I was going to school full-time but the college work was just part-time but man did it take up any free time that I thought I would have! Now, I've been working on passing my CPA exam for over a year and I won't let it beat me...not yet.

So I guess I am driven. Driven by the thought of having a better life than what anyone would have ever thought I would have. I was told multiple times growing up that I wouldn't amount to anything. Well, who looks like the idiot now??