So, I really don't have a set topic for tonight...so here's a warning...it's a rambling post.

I've been reading other peoples posts and they all seem very thoughtful or have some sort of insight...not gonna lie...it made me feel kinda stupid about my own blog. I guess it's because there's really not anything going on in my life of any interest. I'm in my second to last class for grad school...so that's pretty exciting. We somehow made it through year-end at work. Andrew and I are still kind of in the same place that we were before, only this time it is a lot better. I still wish that we could just pick up where we left off 3 years ago but I know that it is not possible. We've been remodeling the bathroom and it is almost done though! All that is left is to finish up the trim and fix a little bit of grout on the bathroom floor...so that's pretty exciting too!

Monica posted a book review type thing the other day and I thought that it might be something I could do too...only I don't really read a lot of books anymore. So I started thinking, "What do I do a lot of?" The answer to that is cooking! Granted, I don't come up with my own recipes but I'm always looking for something new instead of eating the same ol' thing. I even started playing around with fondant cakes and have so far only made one and it was really cute! So, okay, here is my famous macaroni and cheese recipe via The Food Network:

Macaroni and Cheese

Recipe courtesy Giada De Laurentiis

Cook Time: 25 min

Level: Easy

Yield: 6 servings

Times:

Prep
10 min
Inactive Prep
10 min
Cook
25 min
Total:
45 min

Ingredients

* Butter, for greasing dish
* 12 ounces wide egg noodles
* 2 cups heavy cream
* 2 1/2 cups whole milk
* 2 teaspoons all-purpose flour
* 1/2 teaspoon salt, plus more for pasta water
* 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
* 2 cups (packed) grated Fontina
* 3/4 cup (packed) finely grated Parmesan
* 3/4 cup (packed) grated mozzarella
* 4 ounces cooked ham, diced, optional
* 2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves

Directions

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F.

Butter a 13 by 9-inch glass baking dish and set aside. Cook the noodles in a large pot of boiling salted water until tender but still firm to bite, stirring frequently, about 5 minutes. Drain well, but do not rinse.

Whisk the cream, milk, flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and pepper in large bowl to blend. Stir in 1 cup Fontina, 1/2 cup Parmesan, 1/2 cup mozzarella, ham, if using, and parsley. Add the noodles and toss to coat. Transfer the noodle mixture to the prepared baking dish. Toss the remaining 1 cup Fontina, 1/4 cup Parmesan, and 1/4 cup mozzarella in a small bowl to blend. Sprinkle the cheese mixture over the noodle mixture. Bake until the sauce bubbles and the cheese melts and begins to brown on top, about 20 minutes. Let stand for 10 minutes before serving.

*Alert* Ranting Ahead

Some things have really been bothering me lately. My job is a constant stress here lately, things aren't going exactly my way in my personal life, and I still hate paying my student loans every month. Some of these I have to deal with, mainly my student loans, they aren't going away any time soon. My personal life is also something that I just have to deal with. I can't really change it so I'm just stuck for now but I think that change will be coming soon. Work has just been horrible. I think we finally got year-end closed and that would normally mean a lot of great things for me...like I wouldn't be stressed...but then the AP girl decided to take a different job. So now that means that I get to help train the new girl (who has no experience but a lot of potential) after the current AP girl leaves. Fun! I don't think they realize how much extra stress they have added to my life because apparently getting your masters isn't enough. I've said many things to my boss and he doesn't seem to care, probably because he's under the same stress...just like everyone else. Oh well...I guess I just have hope that it will all get better some day. Until then I can just pretend that I'm here:

Blessed

Those who know me know that I haven't been truly happy in quite some time. I'm not really sure why, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a job, a roof over my head (even if my parents'), I can afford to buy groceries, and I'm working on a higher education. But, for some reason, it doesn't make me happy. I know I need to be happy with myself first before I can truly be happy and I'm slowly but surely working on that. One thing is for certain, I have the greatest friends. Granted, they don't live very close although one is at least now in the same state now instead of a completely different country! I wish I lived closer to both of them and that I could see them more. They always bring a smile to my face and can always make me laugh no matter what. They help me get through the craziness in my day even though they have no idea that they do. I know that these two ladies will be there always and knowing that makes me happy.

Relationships

Maybe I'm too young to really get relationships still. Andrew and I split up in June and he decided this month that it was the biggest mistake he's ever made. He doesn't know that I've met someone who is completely fantastic. I don't want to tell him because I know it will hurt him pretty badly. My family has been trying to pressure me into getting back with him despite my objections. He's broken my heart twice and people seem to think that I loved him that much that I could just look over it...but I can't. I loved him with all of my heart...that I can never deny. But after he called it quits in June, I'll admit...I was devastated. I had no idea how I was going to pick up the pieces and start fresh after 6 years. This may be sad, but it really wasn't that hard to do. Maybe my heart's trying to tell me something...maybe it's not ready to love again. Derek listens to my problems and lets me have the truth. He even tells me things that most girls would never want to hear, but I appreciate openness and honesty. I don't want to hurt Andrew anymore than I already have in the past but I'm not ready to face that chapter again...not yet anyway. I guess I'll just take it day by day and see what each of them brings.

New Beginnings

I never thought that I would say this...but I'm ready to move on. I've met someone who is just fantastic and seems to know how to treat a girl. I deserve better than Andrew. I can't keep thinking that he'll change. I gave him a chance twice and I got the same result. So, I need to move on and that's what I'm going to do. I've had plenty of time to think and make peace with myself for the most part. I still have some skeletons in my closet to deal with but that just comes from being insecure. I'm as happy as I can be with my current situation. I know that if I didn't live with my parents I would be perfectly content. So I want to share my happiness with someone. But for now, I'll just take it one step at a time and enjoy every second of it!

Going Back to Basics

So, here for a while I have been going through some crazy stuff. I've hurt many people but have also been hurt in return. I know that everything that I have done is not always right. Actually, it's pretty far from being right. I feel like I have been just pushed off of a cliff and I'm just falling. I've been falling for over 2 years now. People have tried to help me along the way, but I'm just too far gone to be helped I suppose. Everything that used to make me happy was based all around one person. So what makes me happy now? Crap if I know. I need to find my inner strength. That one thing that I could always lean on when no one was around to help. I did that since I was 15, surely I can do it 10 years later. Wow. 10 years ago my mom left. That seems like such a long time ago. 10 years ago Andrew's mom also passed away. A lot can happen in 10 years. A person can loved and lost, been broken down and lifted up, and met some of the greatest people in their life and they are gone now.

I have a problem, I admit it. I hurt people without knowing it. Or maybe I'm just so oblivious and so focused on myself that I just don't care. Maybe I'm trying to cover up the hurt and pain that I have endured by making other people suffer through the same. All that I know is that it needs to stop. I need to stop and enjoy life, even if it is alone currently. I need to learn how to deal with my demons and my past life choices before I can accept the Lisa that I currently am. I need to accept the Lisa that I currently am or else I'll just go through life constantly hurting people who don't deserve and just wander aimlessly through life without ever being happy.

So this is it, I'm going back to basics...just like my idol Christina Aguilera did. I think I'm ready to face it and I really do want to understand.

Things are looking up!!

So, after some events this weekend, life may not be so bad. Granted, I have no idea where these events will lead me...but I'm sure it will be great either way. I'm ready to move on...I'm ready to have FUN!!! Granted, things may not be perfect currently...but it will suffice.