And so it continues...

I know I tend to kind of post about the same things but that's just kind of how my life has been lately...always the same and never changing.

Lately I have been conflicted. I have been having to face demons of my past that are beginning to want to be released. Most of my issues deal with my mother and my oldest sister. It's safe to say that I despise them both. A mother is not suppose to tell their child that they are worthless and will amount to nothing. A sister is not suppose to make you sneak out of the house with her so she can go hook up with some guy that lived next door or chase you around with a butcher knife that eventually gets held against your throat.

I did not have an ideal childhood to say the least.

I have done everything in my power to prove my own mother wrong about me. I graduated high school in the top 25% of my class with honors. I graduated from a college that has the best accounting school in the state. I even went on to finish my masters in business with above a 3.5 GPA. I have stood on my own two feet, while not always succeeding, but I always paid every dime back that I borrowed. I have held a full-time job that I am awesome at for over 5 years and am currently studying for the CPA. Yet somehow it is still not good enough.

I do not know if I should just accept the fact that my mother would much rather have her oldest daughter (who is the most screwed up) be the highlight of her parenting career or attempt to mend a relationship that is way past the mending stage. My mother did nothing to help shape me into who I am today. Well, that's a lie. She taught me how to not take crap from anyone and to speak my mind. Some things that I learned from her without her knowing is how not to treat people. How not to raise a child. How not to be as a person in general.

I have fought for everything that I have in my life and it is just frustrating to know that some will just continue to have things handed to them and never have to work for anything their entire lives. It is frustrating...but it is what it is I suppose...